Dream On - One mom's tale of understanding a dreaming child in a highly- structured world (cont'd)

The sad but lovely thing is he is so much like me. As a kid, I would cut up paper for hours designing and binding makeshift books with ribbons, yarn or sometimes masking tape. I loved creating. I adored the smooth solitude of being transported in a project – losing track of time, food and people. It was me and the delicious quiet to create whatever I could imagine. Writing and making books were my way of generating peace in my heart and my world.


Inevitably, my dad would storm in after work and yell at me for "wasting paper" and to do something productive with my time. I was devastated. After that, I hid my writing away in journals – but always felt like I was doing something self-indulgent. It took me a long time to realize writing and creating were real gifts, not a waste of time.


I hoped my son would get my husband's uncanny abilities to master math, science, chemistry and other abstract concepts that send my brain spinning. But I can see he takes after me and the artistic, creative, imaginative human being that I am. Good, but darn. And thus, the mom cavalry was called in over what to do about it. How do you help a child understand that there are times to be dreamy and times to focus?


As a side note -- if you haven't tried them out, mom help boards are encouraging places for people like me who are plain out stuck. (Sites such as www.TheMommiesNetwork.org and www.mamasource.com are two great places to start). I had read all the books, tried all the forms of rewards and punishments and yet not finding results. So I posted. I like to think of it as a "virtual mommy coffee clatch." Even better yet, it's like a just-in-time cavalry or calling an emergency mommy meeting.


The responses I got from my post were like hearing from a cross section of moms from every different walk of life – all different, but all encouraging. If I had to sum them up, it would go like this "Listen to your heart. You know what to do - you know your child best. Help him to see what he needs to do by inviting him to be the teacher or the parent. Reward him when he does it right. But by all means, keep that creative fire alive."


In my quest to look for more ideas on unlocking the mystery of my son, I recently read an inspiring little pamphlet called "Raising Wild Boys Into Men: A Modern Dads Survival Guide" by Tony Woodlief. I was drawn to the author's funny writing and parenting obsessions that seemed familiar to my own. In his pamphlet, Woodlief debates the notion that modern society seems more interested in turning wild boys into mild boys. His writings chart his adventures in finding toys, books, movies and other resources that teach boys to develop their character without losing what he calls "The Cowboy Gene."


I do want my son to keep his wildness. I do want him to be a dreamer and to never lose sight of his gifts and passions. But I do want him to do well in school and succeed in life. I want him to be able to master the times to pay attention. I want him to capture the good stuff, to be wild and crazy, to dream infinitely, to be a cowboy if he wants.


And so we plod on. As in everything, we have days where he can stick with it and days he is lost in his world again. Knowing what I know, I realize he most likely will struggle with this creative talent combined with challenge for the rest of his life. But I also realize being a dreamer is not the end of the world. Being a dreamer could possibly be the best gift a person could ever get.

Cara McLauchlan is a writer, room parent and mom from Fuquay-Varina, NC. She has written an inspirational book for women called "The Portable Red Hot Momma" and writes a blog on her journey to 40 called "Joy Goggles." She can be reached at cara@crankymommies.com or 919/552.1818. To see more of her writings, visit her blog at www.joygoggles.blogspot.com.